Descriptive writing examples: six model paragraphs (a place, a person, an object, a storm, a memory, an exam-style scene) annotated line by line, the seven techniques that make description work, what GCSE, IGCSE, CBSE and US middle school mark, the planning template, the mistakes, and a printable word bank

"Descriptive writing examples" is searched by students with a task set (a GCSE Paper 1 question, an IGCSE 0500 composition, a CBSE Class 9 paragraph, a US middle-school essay) who want to see what good looks like, and by parents and teachers looking for models to teach from. Most examples online are purple: long strings of adjectives and similes that would score in the middle band. This page gives six paragraphs written to score at the top, each annotated sentence by sentence so the technique is visible, then the seven techniques, what each exam board rewards, a planning template, and the mistakes. The printable has the planner and a word bank organised by sense.

Download the descriptive writing planner and word bank (PDF) (the planning template, a word bank by sense with strong verbs and precise nouns, one annotated model paragraph, the seven techniques as a checklist, and the mistakes; two pages, free).

The seven techniques, in one table

Six examples, annotated

1. A place: a railway station at dawn

The first thing was the smell: coal smoke and wet stone, before the platform was even in sight. (sense other than sight; a specific pair, not a list) Under the iron roof the light came grey through a century of soot, and the pigeons had not yet woken. (precise nouns: iron, soot; a detail that tells the time) A porter's whistle cut through the hiss of the engine. (sound; a strong verb, cut) Three hundred feet shuffled toward platform four. (show: the crowd without the word crowd) Nobody spoke. (short sentence to land) On a bench by the tea stall, an old man held a steel tumbler in both hands and watched the steam rise, as if it were the only warm thing in the city. (one simile, true to the moment; the camera closes on one person)

What it does: zooms from the smell at a distance to one man's hands, uses four senses, and has one figure of speech in six sentences.

2. A person: a grandmother's hands

Her hands were older than the rest of her. (an idea the paragraph will prove, not an adjective) The skin lay loose over the knuckles, brown and creased like the cover of a prayer book that has been opened every morning for sixty years. (one simile, precise and in character) The nails were cut straight across. (a detail that implies habit) When she rolled a chapati the fingers moved without her looking, the way a pianist's do, and the dough turned under them into a perfect circle in four strokes. (show: skill through action; a second comparison, earned) Flour settled in the lines of her palm. (close, specific) Afterwards she pressed those hands together, once, and the day began. (controlled ending: a gesture, not a summary)

What it does: describes a whole person through one part, uses action to show character, and ends on an image.

3. An object: a cricket ball

It had been red once. (a short first sentence that implies a history) Now the leather was the colour of a brick left out in the rain, and the seam, which had been a neat white rope, was frayed to grey thread along one side where the bowlers had worked it. (colour by comparison to a real thing; a precise noun, seam; a detail that shows use) It weighed more than it looked. (touch) Held to the ear and shaken, something inside knocked faintly, cork against cork. (sound; an unexpected sense for an object) On the shiny half, if you turned it to the light, there were still three gold letters of the maker's name. (sight, close; the smallest detail last)

What it does: describes by history and use rather than by a list of adjectives; four senses for an object usually given one.

4. Weather: a monsoon storm

The sky went green first. (colour, and a strange one, which is true) Then the wind came down the street ahead of the rain, lifting the dust in one sheet, slamming a shutter, turning the neem tree inside out. (three strong verbs in one long sentence that builds) The first drops were enormous, each one a coin on the hot road, each one gone in a second. (a metaphor that is exact; repetition for rhythm) Then there was no space between them. (short; the turn) The road became a river in three minutes, the gutters roared, and the smell of wet earth rose so thick you could have leaned on it. (sound; smell; one hyperbole, placed last) Inside, the lights flickered, held, and went out. (a controlled ending that moves the camera indoors)

What it does: follows time exactly, builds with long sentences and lands with short ones, uses one figure per stage.

5. A memory: the first day at a new school

I remember the corridor more than the classroom. (a specific claim that organises the paragraph) It was longer than any corridor had a right to be, lined with lockers the colour of hospital walls, and it smelled of floor polish and something fried. (precise nouns; smell; a comparison that carries feeling) My shoes were new and announced every step. (sound; show: the self-consciousness without naming it) Somewhere a bell rang and doors opened all at once, and the corridor filled with people who all knew where they were going. (the crowd shown through their certainty) I stood against a locker with my timetable folded very small in my hand and waited for the corridor to empty. (show, through an action: the folded timetable) It took a long time. (short ending; understatement)

What it does: tells feeling entirely through objects and actions; never uses the words nervous, lonely or scared.

6. An exam-style scene: a picture of a market at night (GCSE or IGCSE)

Under a hundred bare bulbs the market did not so much open as ignite. (a precise verb doing the work of a simile) Pyramids of oranges, each one polished, threw back the light; a boy with a cloth went along them, rubbing, as if they could be made brighter still. (sight; show through a small action; one simile) The air was two things at once: frying oil from the stall on the corner, and jasmine from the garland-sellers, and the two did not mix so much as take turns. (smell, specific and doubled) Voices overlapped: a price, a refusal, a laugh, the same price again. (sound, structured as a list that implies bargaining) Underfoot, the ground was wet though it had not rained. (touch; a detail that raises a question) At the far end, where the bulbs gave out, a woman sat alone behind a single basket of limes and did not call to anyone. (the camera ends on one person; the contrast carries the mood)

What it does: what a top-band exam answer does in its first 150 words: a controlled structure (wide to close), every sense, one comparison per idea, and an ending that leaves something unresolved.

What the exams reward

In every scheme the top band requires control: the writer chose each detail and placed it. The middle band is lists of adjectives and a simile in every sentence.

The planning template (five minutes)

1. The subject and the mood in four words: "night market, alive and lonely".
2. The camera route: three stops, wide to close (or close to wide, or in time order).
3. One detail per sense for the whole piece: sight, sound, smell, touch, taste if it applies. Specific things, not categories.
4. One comparison that is true to the subject; cut any second one that is not better.
5. The last image: where the camera stops. Write it before the first sentence.

Then write, keeping sentences varied, and read it back for the words "very", "really", "beautiful", "amazing" and "nice", which are the five that mark a draft as unfinished.

The six mistakes

1. Telling the feeling ("it was scary", "I felt happy") instead of showing the evidence.
2. Adjective strings ("the big, old, dark, scary house") instead of one precise noun.
3. A simile in every sentence. One per idea; each must be true to the thing.
4. Sight only. Most weak description is a list of what was seen; the top band uses at least three senses.
5. No structure. Details in the order they occurred to the writer; the reader has no camera to follow.
6. The summary ending ("It was a day I will never forget"). End on an image.

The skill underneath descriptive writing is reading: a child who reads twenty minutes a day has met ten thousand precise nouns that a child who does not has never seen; the case is in the importance of reading for children. The opposite skill, cutting a text to its ideas, is in summary writing skills.

Download the descriptive writing planner and word bank (PDF)

Where to get help

A 1-on-1 online creative writing class with a tutor who holds a master's in English: a paragraph written every class on a shared document and marked line by line against the student's own exam scheme (GCSE, IGCSE 0500, CBSE, a US rubric), the techniques taught one at a time with model paragraphs, and a reading list that feeds the vocabulary. The recording and the marked draft after every class, the same tutor all year, US$10 to $13 an hour. The free 30-minute first class is a real lesson on a paragraph the student brings.

Questions parents ask

See how we teach this, 1-on-1 online →